Sunday, December 17, 2006

Fish N' Flush!!!

Ahh, just when you thought bathrooms couldn't get any more multi-functional:

The Fish N' Flush.

Sigh. Just think, you can poop among the fishes! Read the newspaper whilst Nemo looks over your backside!
Billed as a "conversation piece that will appeal to most everyone," it is apparently a full functioning toilet as well as salt or freshwater aquarium. Safe for kids, even! All around, it's apparently "a fun-fashion statement for the homeowner who wants to have something unique in the bathroom."

Why, you ask, should you purchase said toilet? Why, for these reasons (and I quote!), of course!
Why Choose Fish 'n Flush?

• Maximize Space
• Entertainment
• Excitement

Yeah, I so want one.

Sunday, December 10, 2006


The name sounded slightly rustic and magical: Tanglewood Festival of Lights. So. We wanted to have a fun, memorable holiday evening, complete with Harry Connick on the player and bright eyed kids enraptured by the wonderment of Christmas lights. Sounds idyllic, right? Okay, okay, so that's a stretch... but it at least sounds sweet, like a family memory to treasure as the years pass.
We started off in good spirits, caravaning with my sister and stopping off for what we thought would be a quick bite to eat at the local Bob Evans. Interminable amounts of time passed as we waited and waited for food that was then barely palatable. S. wouldn't stay in her seat. C. was sick with the chills and kept crawling his eight year old self onto his parents' laps. J. was ravenous as always. The adults? We were bleary eyed and irritated by the time we finally got the check and left the place (and good riddance).

We clipped along to Winston-Salem in record time, only to discover that our computer printed directions were incorrect. The official website recommended exit was closed. So, we took the next exit, stopped at a gas station, and got alternate directions. At this point, it was around 8 in the evening. I rolled my window down to get last minute instructions from my brother-in-law and then, it wouldn't roll up. I pushed the button. Nothing. We turned off the radio--not even a sound of a weak gear grinding into action... silence. Cold air blew in and S. started to cry. It was frickin' cold, my damn window was stuck, and our jaunty little holiday light trip had turned not so jaunty.

Finally, ten minutes into the traffic jam, I wedged my fingernail into the button and got the damn window up. Happiness ensued. We put on the White Stripes (loud) and sang as we inched along. A few houses along the route were done up in Christmas lights and S. was thrilled.

Hours passed. Really. We crept and crawled along, idling away half a tank of gas on a 3 1/2 hour wait JUST TO GET IN THE GATES. S. was asleep. M and I were cranky and tired,in desperate need of a caffeine jolt. NOt so merry, we blared the Polyphonic Spree in hopes of resuscitation. Not effective. We were just too cranky. Merry frickin' Christmas, we muttered, sitting helpless as cars deliberately kept us from merging.

On top of the stir craziness of sitting for so long, I needed to pee. Of course! This is no surprise--I peed twice at the gas station in preparation for a long wait, but 3 1/2 hours is just too long for my peanut sized bladder. Glancing longingly at the woods, I considered hopping out, ducking into the tangled woods and relieving myself. I'm sure the car would not have moved more than an inch in the time it would have taken me to do so. I kept thinking, surely we'll get in there, soon... but finally, I took drastic measures. Scouring the van yielded a sippy cup and a soda bottle. I chose the sippy cup. Nothing says Christmas cheer like pee in a Nemo cup, eh?

Still, 13 bucks later, we were slowly rolling through a landscape dotted with huge, blinking snowflakes suspended over the road... past candles that seemed to flicker and flashing squirrels that darted overhead. Across a pond, a sea monster writhed and a pirate ship stood docked, while a blonde mermaid flipped her tail. It really was magical. We listened to John Denver and the Muppets. We put in Harry Connick, Jr. S. woke up and her face broke into a giant grin, her eyes wide.

Guess we got our holiday memory after all... it just didn't come in the usual package.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Who is Bob Hutton on Jeopardy?

Holy Crap. Bob Hutton, resident noise maker, random snippet sayer, and all around bizzaro who made my college years more interesting, just frickin' won Jeopardy. You can click on his name to see a little video of Bob on the show's webpage.

Tune in on Tuesday to see him in action.